Editor,
Have you noticed that the Walmart University flagship has sailed the educational seas rather erratically these days?
We need bold leadership in this brave new conservative era.
That’s why Osama bin Laden should be UNM president. Supported by the Daily Lobo online troll geniuses, Osama would provide a sense of real vision and direction at our beloved University.
We could finally throw money-wasting special-interest programs in the waste basket where they belong, such as Chicano Studies, Africana Studies, the College Enrichment Program and CAPS.
Spitting on teachers is just the beginning. We need to teach the dirty, smelly hippie professors a lesson or two. The Smith Plaza Beheading Program (SPBP) will be just the ticket. The uppity wymin on campus will also get a sense of what proper behavior is when they are hauled out on the plaza for a good, old-fashioned lashing.
Enough of this liberal softie stuff.
Like my other brilliant, creative and eminently practical ideas, my proposal can take effect right away. This is also cheap, for those of you majoring in accounting and business who love Ayn Rand and are enamored with pragmatic realism and the romantic appeal of capitalism.
Osama is pretty available, too.
He’s just been hanging out in that stinky, old cave of his for all these years, and I bet he wouldn’t ask for more than $500,000 to run UNM.
Maybe he’d even be our president for free. All we have to do is ask.
James Burbank
UNM faculty
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