Editor’s Note: If the line “I’m too drunk to walk — let’s drive,” from that video “S*** Burqueños Say” applies to you, you probably have bigger problems than nowhere to go for spring break. But maybe you’ve avoided felony charges and just crashed your car, or at the very least you’ve spent all your money on alcohol. Either way, you have to face the consequences: You aren’t spring-breaking in Cancun, Hawaii or California this year. The Daily Lobo compiled a guide of local and cheap activities you can check out, intoxicated or not.
HOME
If you are too hung over to make it outside your house, don’t fret. There are many ways to entertain yourself when you’re not bowing to the porcelain god.
Sports
Host a pretend body-building contest. Strip down to tighty-whiteys or sports bras and slather yourself with some greasy looking skin or hair-care product. Take turns posing and judging each other’s not-so-ripped bodies. Maybe “least ripped” or “most soulful” wins the prize. If you’ve ever watched a body-building competition, you know they perform solo dance routines, which could add a whole new level of ridiculousness to the fiasco.
Art
Turn your bedroom wall into a life-size mural with old house paint from the garage. If you’re out of paint, make some mud in the yard and slap it on the outside. If you’re waiting for your muse to visit you, try just hurling some paint at the wall in a random array of color. Jackson Pollock got away with it; maybe you, too, can make a name for yourself this way.
You can also learn to make those weird sounds with wine glasses (or play the crystal glass, as professionals would call it). It’s not that hard to figure out; lick your finger and circle it around the top of the glass until it makes a noise. The less liquid there is in the glass, the deeper the tone, so you can experiment while downing a bottle of wine.
CITY
No car? Gas prices too high? Stay within the borders of our beautiful city. At least you can drown your sorrows in green chile and have a real excuse to cry.
Sports
Watch a giant pickup truck squash a motor home. It sounds epic enough to U-turn your sucky break into something destructively awesome. The Monster Truck Winter Nationals come to the Santa Ana Star Center March 16 and 17 and tickets are $17.75. For more information visit SantaAnaStarCenter.com.
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Art
Learn how to juggle, make your own ricotta cheese and embroider New Mexican style. Women and Creativity, a festival hosted by the National Hispanic Cultural Center, runs through March with events across the city. Events include a circus arts tutorial for $10, and FYI, German researchers found juggling enhances brain growth, according to MedicalNewsToday.com. This means you can regenerate a few of your many dead brain cells to counteract your drinking habits.
Chicago concert tickets are almost sold out and run at $120, which isn’t very reasonable. I guess it’s famous or something – my dad listens to it sometimes. If you want something similar, check out Plateros, a New Mexican band playing at Vernon’s Black Diamond Lounge March 17. Plateros is a little mushier than Chicago, but if you close your eyes and cover your ears, you can almost fool yourself. Ticket prices have not yet been announced.
STATE
If you’re lucky enough to get out your house, or even crazier, out of the city, you’re already doing better than the rest of us. But don’t get too cocky — it’s still New Mexico, after all.
Sports
Go sledding at White Sands National Monument, home to rolling dunes of — you guessed it — white sand. A few people have died hiking there, but at least your sled will shield you from the sun — as long as it doesn’t melt. Hopefully there are still sleds for sale in this state.
Art
Tap into your inner hippie and make strands of beads for your room, your hair and any body part you think could be enhanced with color. New Mexico’s jewelers unite at Bead Fest Santa Fe at the Santa Fe Community Convention Center starting March 15. A weekend pass is $12, not including the large array of purchases you are sure to make. Just don’t get more beads than you can wear home.
