A recent spike in reported pie theft on the University of New Mexico campus has led the UNM Police Department to launch an investigation.
UNMPD stated that it has received 71 total reports of grand theft à la mode. Pies of all varieties are mysteriously vanishing after being left unattended. One student reported a pie disappearing directly out of their own hands.
Lemmy Meringue, a student who has had multiple pies stolen out of her dorm kitchen, told the Daily Lobo about her experience.
“I just turn around for a moment, and when I look back, my dessert is missing,” Meringue said.
After the multiple thefts, she said she feels discouraged as an amateur baker, and dissatisfied with her dinner and passionately in need of a sweet treat, Meringue said.
“It's not a complete meal without a dessert, and while I’ve always loved making pies, now I feel frightened to make one in my own oven,” Meringue said. “I think I’ll just start eating ice cream.”
Kai Lime is another student affected by the incidents. He works as a delivery driver and described an incident where he picked up a pie to deliver on campus, but it went missing before it could be delivered.
“When I picked it up from the store, it was still fresh, and I put it in my bag,” Lime said. “But when I went to drop it off, I opened the bag and there was nothing there; it was just gone.”
UNMPD released a statement advising students on how to avoid having their pies stolen. The statement included tips such as not leaving pies to cool on windowsills, making sure windows are closed, having pies be attended to at all times and “eating the pie immediately so no one else can take it.”
“There seems to be no pattern with who is targeted by these attacks,” Little Jack Horner, the chief investigating officer for UNMPD, said. “The perpetrator is certainly not discriminating based on pie type or who the pie could belong to. We have no idea who could be next.”
Horner said there have been reports of nearly every kind of pie being stolen, from sweet to savory. Blueberry, apple, pumpkin, rhubarb and shepherd's pies have all been reported stolen.
There have also been two incidents of quiche going missing, but they were later returned unharmed — though no longer warm and with slightly stale crust. The quiches are believed to have been taken in error and were mistaken for pies, according to Horner.
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There are currently no leads on who may be committing these heinous crimes or what their motive may be, according to Horner. UNMPD encourages students and the campus community to stay vigilant and be on the lookout for anyone who magically starts floating toward delicious scents wafting from windows.
Jaden McKelvey-Francis is a beat reporter for the Daily Lobo. He can be reached at culture@dailylobo.com or on X @jadenmckelvey
