by Noah Armstrong
Daily Lobo
Homer Simpson said, "I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming" on an episode of "The Simpsons" a few years ago, and in the upcoming season, one of his peers just may come out of the closet on fire.
As usual, Matt Groening and the rest of the Simpsons' creators have taken a highly debated subject in politics and will surely put forth a hilarious episode.
At a comic book convention in June, the show's producers unveiled plans for an episode with a longtime character's same-sex marriage to be aired in January 2005. For some people, this is shocking, but to any true fan of the show who has picked up on several of the characters' homosexual quirks, it should be welcomed. On the Web site www.gay.com, viewers can vote on the most likely gay character.
"The Simpsons" writers, always speaking out of the side of their mouth, rely heavily on stereotypes for their humor, and the portrayal of gay qualities in their characters is no different.
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Waylon Smithers is the obvious choice, and highest ranking in the online polls on www.gay.com. There have been allusions to his nonplatonic love for Mr. Burns. He wears a pink bathrobe. He lives in a homosexual neighborhood in Springfield. He has said "Women and seamen don't mix." Smithers has a collection of Malibu Stacy dolls and even wrote a musical about the doll. He was in the Pride Parade, but rode on the "Stayin' in the Closet" float with Patty Bouvier, Marge's sister.
Bouvier is not as obvious a candidate, but if you study some of her quirks, you'll notice she has several homosexual tendencies as well.
Bouvier has been quoted saying, "There goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality" after seeing Homer naked. She turned down Mr. Skinner when he asked her to marry him. She has earrings shaped like triangles, and in the pride parade she chanted with Smithers "We're gay. We're glad, but don't tell Mom and Dad."
Although Lenny and Carl spend all of their time together and kissed on one occasion - for $1,000 they never received - they probably aren't gay. Lenny envied Homer and Ned alike after they got married in Vegas and had two wives each, and Carl said he "can't feed his family with a codpiece." These two are inseparable and undoubtedly love each other more than anyone else in the world, but they're just heterosexual life partners who will kiss if the price is right.
People may suspect Flanders if they see his hardcore faith in Christianity as an act of denial, except that he is probably never going to get over his deceased wife Maude. He starches her indentation in their bed and keeps strands of her hair. Plus, he later married a woman in Vegas.
Despite his retro-style mustache, abs of steel, rock-hard pectorals, preference for cleanliness and his Mr. Rogers wardrobe, Ned Flanders is a heterosexual.
This episode, although it will surely offend some, will be a good thing for the viewing public. Those against gay marriages may see this isn't as big a moral issue as they thought. If Homer and his crew can accept a gay marriage, then surely the rest of society can too.
