"Hey, did you get the memo about teaching in the spring?"
"No, what'd it say?"
"Well, the good news is that there are plenty of open positions for us. With the tough new English 102 curriculum, there are going to be a lot more students having to repeat the class in the spring. On top of that, of course, are all the students who manage to pass English 101 this semester."
"Alright, what's the bad news?"
"They're not paying us."
"They're not paying us? What do you mean?"
"I mean - you know how at the end of each month we get our paychecks?"
"Yeah, I know; it's the happiest day of my life each month. For about three hours. Then I send out checks for all my bills. By the time I'm finished there's not much left for the rest of the month."
"Good, now imagine this: it's going to be exactly the same, but without the paycheck."
(Blank stare).
"You alright?"
"Wait a minute...who's going to pay my bills?"
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"Heck if they know."
"They can't do that! I have a Master's Degree. My students like me. I work really hard."
"They know that."
"They do?"
"Yeah, in the memo it said, 'We appreciate your hard work and genuinely regret our inability to pay you any longer. If funds become available in the future, paying you, of course, will be one of our top priorities.'"
"Well, that's nice. But where are our paychecks going?"
"Haven't you seen the signs for that new architecture building they're constructing over by the parking garage? You don't think that kind of work is cheap, do you?"
"No, I suppose it's not. Still, it just doesn't seem right."
"I hear ya'."
"What are you going to do?"
"To supplement my non-income, you mean? Actually, I just got in over at Bandido's Hideout."
"The Mexican restaurant on Central?"
"Yeah. That guy who stands out front with the wrestling masks got promoted to assistant manager. A religious studies professor I know busses tables there part time. He told me about the opening and, well, I guess I just got lucky. Right place, right time. The benefits are better than teaching, too."
"Really?"
"Yeah, fifty percent off burritos and tacos. And there's a first aid kit in the back."
"Geese, that beats the coverage we get in the English department."
"Sure does. So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I suppose I could move back in with my parents, but that would really suck. I've got my ten-year reunion coming up, and I was already nervous about telling people I'm a teacher. If I have to tell people that I'm mooching off my parents again, that'll be even more embarrassing."
"Well, these are the hard knocks, I guess. I just never thought that all those hours of hitting the books in school would pay off like this - I mean, wouldn't pay off like this."
"Yeah, we sure were dumb. Hey, you want to get a beer tonight? I saw a six pack of Miller High Life in my mom's garage the other day."
"No, I've got too many papers to grade. One of my students filed a complaint against me last month for not getting his essay back to him fast enough. Our director told me to 'Get it together, or else!'"
"Or else what?"
"Oh, his brother is the manager at Bandido's."
- Robert Miller, Part-time Faculty, English Department. 842-5089. (If you choose to publish, I'd rather if it appeared as being written just by "Part-time Faculty Member").
