Column: College basketball full of wonderfully inept people

by Riley Bauling

Daily Lobo

People like Larry Eustachy and Bob Huggins make me love college basketball.

Ooh, and JamesOn Curry. And not just for his ridiculous excuse of a name.

The only problem is deciding who of these three is more deserving of the Pee-pee-in-my-pants-because-I'm-laughing-so-hard (PIMPBILSH) Award, which, my friends, is highly coveted despite contrary belief.

Eustachy, the late Iowa State coach, was busted for chugging Pabst Blue Ribbon with coeds at Iowa State student parties. The best part is that some genius managed to convince Eustachy that actually posing for a snapshot with two girls, one on each shoulder, their lips firmly planted on both his cheeks, was in the coach's best interest.

Then there's the picture of him licking his lips with a PBR clutched in one of his paws while the other is slung around a woman of maybe 19. The clincher: You can see his wedding ring on the hand that appears to be inching ever closer to the woman's breast.

Judges: 9.4 out of 10 on the PIMPBILSH Award scale.

Then there's Huggie Bear. I loved Huggie Bear, first of all, because he reminded me of a Care Bear - maybe Big Grumpy Bear - and second because everyone knew that sooner or later Huggie was going to lose it.

He looked whiskey drunk all the time - aggressive, sweaty, magenta in the face - or at least like he was passing kidney stones on the sidelines constantly.

And boy did Huggie lose it bad. Smack dab in the middle of the day, he gets pulled over absolutely toasted.

He stumbles out of the car, proceeds to yell at the cops and almost falls over three steps into his sobriety test. Brilliant.

Judges: 9.2 - but only because there wasn't a sorority girl in his backseat, lap or trunk. That would have given him a surefire 10.

Last, but not least, there's Curry. Fresh off signing his letter of intent to North Carolina, Curry decided to make a bid for High Times Man of the Year. And why not? Willie Nelson is better company than Michael Jordan and James Worthy, anyway. At least Willie knows how to party, right?

Curry was busted for six counts of selling, distributing and possessing marijuana on, ready for this, his high school campus.

Judges: 9.1 - but only because young people are expected to make mistakes. Just ask Macaulay Culkin.

Why do all these wonderfully inept morons make me love the game? That's simple. College basketball is the ultimate pardoner, meaning this is going to keep happening and I'm going to keep laughing. I love this game.

Eustachy is coaching at Southern Mississippi now. Curry signed with Oklahoma State after Roy Williams refused to let him bring his burn-one-for-the-team attitude to UNC.

The only one who is still jobless is Huggie Bear. But don't worry, Huggie fans. He said in an interview with Andy Katz for ESPN that he will be coaching again next year.

He only got ripped, berated police and was filmed doing it all. It's not in their contracts to be role models, why should they be?

So party on, coaches. And party on, players.

With that in mind, this is the year Louisville's going to win it all. Rick Pitino is the only coach who cheats and isn't a buffoon about it. Duke will choke when J.J. Redick leaves to join the Duke slam poetry team. Texas looks legit and so does UConn, so we'll toss them into the Final Four. The last team in is the Memphis Tigers because they've graduated all of one player since 1988. The Tigers epitomize everything that's wrong with college sports and, as such, they're going to make the final with Louisville setting up the most corrupted NCAA Championship game to date.

I can't wait to hear about the afterparty.