by Riley Bauling
Daily Lobo
Without any semblance of a lead for this column forming in my head, I'm going to give you the top five reasons why this Super Bowl will make Sunday OK for the only time all year.
First of all, I hate Sundays. You're usually too hungover to be productive, so you spend the entire day dreading the upcoming week.
It's like chilling in Purgatory, already knowing you lived such a life full of younger women, drinking and doing crystal meth that there's no way you're getting into the Pearly Gates.
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Without further ado -
Reason 5: You get to eat buffalo wing sandwiches. Seriously though, there's nothing better than this concoction so long as you take the meat off the bones first. And being that all of you are now going, "Why didn't I think of that," I rest my case. Along with this reason comes other zany inventions like the hamburger in party mode - a patty covered in cole slaw and potato salad. For some reason, Super Bowl Sunday will get your Bill Nye the Science Guy creative food juices flowing.
Reason 4: Pittsburgh Steeler Jerome Bettis is going back to his birth place to rock the Motor City for what may be the final game of his career. Is anyone else amazed that someone who looks like the stunt double for Big Momma can still move that fast?
Reason 3: The quarterback play. Say whaaat? That's right, both Ben Roethlisberger and Matt Hasselbeck did what Peyton Manning and Tom Brady couldn't. What that means, though, is that one of them is absolutely going to implode come Sunday, and boy do I love watching quarterbacks fall apart. How funny was it to watch Cincinnati Bengal backup QB Jon Kitna scamper around, fumble, pick up his fumble, hear the Steelers' defensive behemoths salivating as they chase him, try to throw the ball, toss it straight up in the air and then promptly get suplexed by all 11 Steelers on the field? Priceless.
Reason 2: Bill Cowher and his slacked, sprinklerlike jaw. When cameras cut to the sidelines to cue in on Cowher chewing out Troy Polamalu for having hair so long he could weave a basket out of it, there's nothing better than seeing Polamalu wincing in pain as his eyes are peppered with the barbecue Cowher ate before the game, along with the Diet Coke and anything else that's hanging out in his mouth attached to his spit globules.
Reason 1: You can get your friends so drunk they start placing bets with you on all sorts of things. This is absolutely splendid because everyone wants to drink on Super Bowl Sunday. If you can manage to keep some of your cognitive processes intact, you can place bets with your friends like how many tater tots they can eat before someone scores. Or my personal favorite: That they can't manage to make out with one of the cheerleaders on the screen because said cheerleaders won't get enough air time. If you can get someone this drunk, you know your Super Bowl is going great. That is, unless you are, of course, that guy.
Oh yeah, Seattle's winning 27-21.
