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(06/13/11 6:27am)
The following is a work of satire from the editor of the local ‘zine, The Nightly Noodle Monthly. Expect future guest columns from Ms. Avenue, and, as always, the views reflected in this article do not represent the paper at large.
(05/31/11 4:26am)
It’s really a shame that Harold Camping, who predicted the rapture would come on May 21, was wrong. My problem would have been solved whether or not I got raptured. Either I would have ascended to the Kingdom of Heaven, or (a far more likely scenario) I would have stayed behind in a post-apocalyptic wasteland inhabited solely by sinners who proved unworthy of ascension.
(05/03/11 6:47am)
This is the time of year when I wave my arms and shout into the void, helplessly hoping that I can convince you to take care of yourself.
(04/21/11 7:54am)
When returning to school as a full-time student, I thought, “How will I ever survive taking 16 credit hours in an eight-week semester?”
(04/18/11 6:11am)
Chuck Klosterman wrote an entertaining discourse on popular culture called “Eating The Dinosaur,” wherein he argues that, “It is interesting to not know things.”
(09/20/10 5:45am)
Dear Dr. Peg,
I’m looking for someone to help me with my husband who is bipolar and refuses to get the help he needs. Please help me contact somebody I can talk to about this issue.
(09/13/10 7:30am)
Dear Dr Peg,
What is the fastest way to get rid of a cold sore when it is already on your lip? Please help. My social life is suffering and my boyfriend threatened to cheat.
(05/10/10 8:20am)
By now most of you have finished your finals and are getting ready to head for the beach, the folks’ house, or the summer job. Congratulations on getting another semester notch on your belt. Take a minute to appreciate yourself for all the hard work you have done.
But before you throw your stuff in the car and hit the road, remember that getting into a car is the most dangerous thing you can do. I’m speaking statistically. Car crashes are the No. 1 cause of death for Americans under 45. You probably know someone who has died in a car crash. Perhaps worse, you might know someone who has been permanently maimed. Brain damage, spinal cord damage, paralysis and loss of limbs are just some of the long term horrors that can result from a crash.
(04/28/10 5:04am)
Dear Dr. Peg
When I get a headache or get sick with body aches or fever, I like to take something to help me feel better. But I heard that acetaminophen can destroy your liver and ibuprofen can destroy your stomach. Is there anything else? What can I do?
-Achey
(04/12/10 5:33am)
Do you have stress? Stupid question, right? We all have stress. Do you want stress? Probably not. Although stress isn’t always a bad thing – pressure can make you produce, and sometimes you have to produce – it can harm you, too. From neck pain to strokes, the negative effects of stress are many.
I offer you the following physical and mental pearls for instant stress reduction.
(04/06/10 6:22am)
When it comes to fraud, nothing is off limits, especially on the Internet. With the 2010 Census swinging into high gear and tax season already well underway, expect to see fraudulent “census” and “tax” e-mail and text messages in the near future.
For starters, the Internal Revenue Service never conducts business via e-mail, text messaging or the telephone. For the most part, this is also true about the U.S. Census Bureau although the Census has (unfortunately) started conducting household and business surveys via the telephone and, in limited cases, through the Internet.
(04/02/10 4:11am)
Rubbing my itchy eyes and blowing my runny nose after writing my sixth prescription of the day for allergy medicine, I decided it is time for my yearly article on allergies. This is one of those topics that need repeating so at the risk of violating the write-something-new-every-week rule for columnists, here it is again.
(03/25/10 6:21am)
If you have been to Mitchell Hall recently, you probably have been amazed by how much the renovation has improved the building. The first thing that most students have noticed is that Mitchell’s infamous sewage stench is gone. The building also feels more comfortable with its improved heating and cooling system. New amenities such as an Outtakes store and a computer pod have been added. Also, a brand-new KONE EcoSpace machine room-less traction elevator has been installed, replacing the existing hydraulic elevator. The KONE EcoSpace uses one-third as much energy as a hydraulic elevator and doesn’t use any oil. The one installed at Mitchell Hall has a capacity of 2,500 lbs, an increase of 1,000 lbs compared to the previous elevator to increase accessibility. It also has a voice annunciation feature that announces the floors the elevator stops at and the direction of travel. Mitchell Hall has been awarded a Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design silver certification for eco-friendliness.
(03/23/10 6:20am)
Q: Is it true that having a tongue piercing increases your chances of getting a heart rhythm problem?
(02/25/10 7:37am)
Should a woman feel insufficient if her male partner voices his desire to bring another woman into the bedroom? When my boyfriend voiced such a desire to me, quite honestly, I was intrigued and seriously considered doing it. However, when I discussed the issue with my friends, they told me I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. More or less, they said this meant my boyfriend thought I alone wasn’t good enough and that there must be underlying problems with our relationship. They also told me that even though it might sound good in the abstract, when I saw him with another woman, I would inevitably be so overcome with jealousy that it would cause me to resent him thereafter.
(02/16/10 7:01am)
New Pap Test recommendations
Ladies, this one is for you, and it is good news. You have probably heard of a Pap smear. That is the test for cancer of the cervix, also called a Pap test. It goes along with everyone’s least favorite exam, the pelvic exam. Up until last fall, you were supposed to get a Pap test every year as an adult. But now, hallelujah! The recommendations have changed. As of November 2009, the experts at the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have decided you can wait until you are 21 to get your first Pap. After that, you can probably get by with one Pap every two years in your twenties and one every third year in your thirties!
(02/09/10 7:32am)
“I hate passwords!”
“I hate changing my passwords!”
(01/28/10 7:38am)
Ladies, it’s time to stop limiting yourselves sexually – no matter what time of the month it is.
(01/22/10 8:28am)
Many college students are deeply in debt today. An average debt recently quoted on the news mentioned a figure of $22,000, and the debts of students going into preprofessional graduate programs are far higher, amounting to six-digit sums. Usurious loan company interest rates have certainly been part of the problem.
(01/21/10 7:09am)
So you got a new PC and it runs on a Microsoft’s Windows 7 operating system. First off, congratulations! Out of the box, Windows 7 is Microsoft’s most secure operating system. However, there are a few things you can do to make your computer even better.