Gotti, glorious Gotti.
It's like watching a mother hen graciously lift her delicate wing to show her hairless, repulsive, foul-mouthed chicks for an entire half hour.
From the '80s to mid-'90s, John Gotti was a public, smiley New York gangster who was eventually prosecuted and incarcerated for his numerous crimes. But, luckily, not before he bred.
The show, airing on A&E Wednesdays at 8 p.m., follows the lives of his remaining relatives and glamorizes the nouveau reich like never before.
The show is interesting because like our own families, they're awful people. In the case of the Gottis, it's worse than average. It's as if someone fed a mobster after midnight -even after the old Korean fellow warned him not to - spilled water on him, and watched as one by one these horror children and grandchildren emerged on our television sets.
The mother, the show's figurehead and Gotti's daughter, is little more than a loud, busty corpse with Botox. And her children, though born and raised in America, need subtitles placed below them so other Americans can understand what they say.
Get content from The Daily Lobo delivered to your inbox
I love this show.
Their days are filled with photo shoots and having prepubescent goodfella fits over who used all the hair gel in the house. The culprit was nearly killed and consumed by the rest of the family.
Packed with rich family fun and good gutter morals, I recommend this show to anyone aspiring to be rich and trashy and to anyone who wants to have offspring - ever.
Watch the show, then go hug your mother.
And to answer the question, "Why is mama Gotti so tan?" My best guess is it's more the formaldehyde than the glimmer of gold around her neck.
