by John Bear
Daily Lobo
The iPod craze has officially gone too far.
The Kenpo Jacket for iPod allows listeners to merge fashion and technology into one slick package. The jacket features a connection built right into the liner and a control panel on the left sleeve. Now you can listen to your favorite pop tunes without all the fumbling around and look pretty stylish while doing it.
That is, if you can get it to work.
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Upon opening the box and wrestling an iPod away from one of my compatriots, I could not make it sing - at all. Our business manager, Jim, after several unsuccessful attempts at finessing some musical magic out of the jacket, threw it on the table, did an abrupt about face and marched rather unceremoniously out of the newsroom. We were about to give up when our photo assistant, a tender lad of 18, hit pay dirt.
All of these technological marvels come into being so fast, it makes it difficult for a hardened cynic who lacks any penchant for electronic gadgets to keep up.
But I try.
For example, take all those people who sit in class and text message the person sitting next to them. Do they realize that texting is a technological egression and not a step forward? You see, the telephone was invented because the telegraph was a major inconvenience with all of its clickety-clacking.
Now we have gone back to it. An understanding of this concept continues to elude me.
The iPod is the stuck-up rich cousin to the Walkman. I sit and feel irritation bordering on rage at all those amorous text messagers in class sharing a pair of headphones, looking cute and blowing their brains out on downloaded music while missing out on the opportunity to learn algebra or linguistics.
Anyway, now all you iPod heads can literally wear your pride at owning what amounts to a $275 Walkman on your sleeve.
Maybe I am just bitter, having stood at a party the other day for a good five minutes trying to select the music on one of these godforsaken things while hundreds of drunken onlookers yelled encouraging things like "You can do it, John. That's a good boy."
I guess I am getting old - or dumb. In either case, I am technologically impotent.
The secret to success as far as the techno coat is concerned: Be under 21. If you are older than 21, you are at an unfortunate crossroads in history, the end of non-tech savvy humanity. It all ends with you.
The sheer difficulty that lies in the operation of the coat is unfortunate, because it is not bad looking, sort of a shiny black windbreaker with yellow trim - very cosmopolitan. If its manufacturer can make it a little easier to use, they may have something. Until then, it will continue to solicit little more than apelike grunting and chest pounding - the music nowhere to be heard.
